Before embarking on this daily essay challenge, I’d like to introduce myself.
Firstly, who I am, and who I hope to be at the end of this experience.
Who I am is a shy girl filled with stage fright and major imposter syndrome about to perform her first solo on stage, squinting against the spotlight as she searches amidst anonymous faces for a familiar one.
I feel quite exposed if we’re being honest. This is the first time my online life and physical one are slowly integrating together. Anonymity and compartmentalizing won’t work going forward.
Yet, while there is a lot of fear swirling around here, at the same time, there is also a lot of hop.
Like many other writers, I’m hoping this experience will be transformative. Both for myself and for those that stumble onto these notes.
However, it’s day one and I’ve written three different versions ready to publish only to sigh and set aside each one.
Because I’m not entirely sure what I want to say yet. Because it feels like I’m talking about you, not to add value. Because it feels like I’m posturing until I do.
But until I get there, I hope you bear with me.
I hope you tolerate the existential essays I wrote to you, while I figure it out. And cringe at the lesser formed raw essays while acknowledging they exist solely to be consistent — to let go of my ego.
To recognize it’s about the practice of getting words on paper, and not just the final product.
The bright side is that with every attempt, I feel more comfortable acknowledging that I don’t know where I’m going just yet, and being okay with that.
I hope you see this essay for what it is — an exercise in thinking out loud, and getting comfortable stumbling in public.
At the end of these daily essays, after what I assume will be many, many, stumbles, I’ll take comfort that these stumbles will turn the shy girl into a seasoned performer, reader to strut on stage.